biding my time

this is what a week’s worth of work has looked like lately, give or take. all the special orders have been made and shipped, and etsy’s replenished stock is hidden away in its plastic box lest it be confused with the rest of the menagerie. this has been my best month by far on etsy, and i have replenished my ribbon stock, and i even have added a few new colours to the mix. big porange flowers with feathers will be ready for next first friday. the ribbon that i make the garters has just offered new colours for the first time in nine years. i finally got that turquoise and red combination that i have been wanting to make since 2001, and i have lilac now too.

but this week of making garters and garters and garters has made me feel like i was biding my time. the accessories line has been taking off, and that is what i will be focusing most heavily on (russian birdcage veiling here i come!). no big announcement here, it’s just what people are buying now. it’s not like i can sell big couture gowns in portland, oregon during the big recession. after so many months of struggling, i have gotten to a place where i can start to feel like myself; which is an entirely foreign feeling. i am so used to being under constant duress, that i don’t always know what to do with myself when the biggest thing i am obsessing over this week is whether or not to take the loan i have been offered to do that last big ribbon order.

at the cusp of my tenth anniversary, this isn’t where i pictured myself. i am not complaining (i seem to be saying this a lot to myself lately). i am not sure where i thought i would be. i am not entirely out of the woods yet, but not struggling is a good place to start.